They never tell you when a little kid you're going to deal with a lot of people dying. A few years ago, I lost one family member a year for about 3 to 4 years straight. At that point, I think you really just stop processing the deaths. One of my good friends, Jennifer, was there at every one to keep me company. I can't thank her enough for being there. Although, I did try to run her off each time. I think that was mostly me saying, You shouldn't have to be here, I wish I wasn't.
Dealing with so much death in such a little time definitely makes you think. I am not afraid of dying. I think it is mostly because I think death is going to be like someone switching off a light. You're there one minute, and the next your not.The thing about the death that bothers me the most is the thought of leaving family behind. I have seen death splinter families and forever change the landscape of peoples lives. That scares the shit out of me. Granted my family here in San Diego is small. It's basically just Maria, Joseph, and I. Maria's parents are nearby, but it's really just the three of us most of the time. I can't even imagine Joseph and Maria without me. That is the scariest part of dying for me for sure.
Now you're all thinking, damn this is morbid. I think it was mostly on my mind because we watched the movie The Impossible this week. It's a great movie if you haven't seen it, but it's rough to watch. It's set during the tsunami that hits Thailand. A family is there for Christmas, loses track of each other. None of them think the others have survived. Maria said after she saw it that she didn't know if she'd have the strength to make it through a disaster. I have no doubt I would. Simply because the alternative is unthinkable to me. I would have to know that everyone was OK and safe.