They never tell you when a little kid you're going to deal with a lot of people dying. A few years ago, I lost one family member a year for about 3 to 4 years straight. At that point, I think you really just stop processing the deaths. One of my good friends, Jennifer, was there at every one to keep me company. I can't thank her enough for being there. Although, I did try to run her off each time. I think that was mostly me saying, You shouldn't have to be here, I wish I wasn't.
Dealing with so much death in such a little time definitely makes you think. I am not afraid of dying. I think it is mostly because I think death is going to be like someone switching off a light. You're there one minute, and the next your not.The thing about the death that bothers me the most is the thought of leaving family behind. I have seen death splinter families and forever change the landscape of peoples lives. That scares the shit out of me. Granted my family here in San Diego is small. It's basically just Maria, Joseph, and I. Maria's parents are nearby, but it's really just the three of us most of the time. I can't even imagine Joseph and Maria without me. That is the scariest part of dying for me for sure.
Now you're all thinking, damn this is morbid. I think it was mostly on my mind because we watched the movie The Impossible this week. It's a great movie if you haven't seen it, but it's rough to watch. It's set during the tsunami that hits Thailand. A family is there for Christmas, loses track of each other. None of them think the others have survived. Maria said after she saw it that she didn't know if she'd have the strength to make it through a disaster. I have no doubt I would. Simply because the alternative is unthinkable to me. I would have to know that everyone was OK and safe.
Like I would let you or anyone else run me off from someplace I had decided to be. Phhhttt. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to look for that movie, I haven't heard of it before but it sounds really good.
The movie should be easy to find. It just came out about a week ago. Also, Thanks again for sitting through the misery.
ReplyDeletemy daughter told me it was a wonderful movie, but once it again, it involves things that i dont want to think about, so i have been avoiding it for sometime.
ReplyDeletei have worked in the nursing home business for over two decades. i have developed a different perspective of dying. i am comfortable with the fact, that it happens. scientifically, its part of the life cycle. it cant be stopped. its going to happen. i have no problem going to a funeral, or sitting with a grieving family. i am not numb to it by any means. i still grieve for the friends and families we loose. i am not comfortable with the fact of it ever touching my immediate family. i know i wont be able to deal with it. they say you are never prepared for this.
i couldnt imagine losing my husband or children. i cant imagine sitting at a dinner table and knowing that one of these special people will never be there again. i just can't imagine my life with out these people ever.
a coworker died unexpectedly earlier this week. she had been married for a long time to her husband. they were the couple that was always together. like ying and yang, you never see them apart. tomorrow, is her funeral. my heart just breaks for steve. i cant imagine the depths of his sadness right now.
i am a fairly religious/ spiritual person, but i dont know if my faith is great enough to carry me through that kind of sadness. even though i know there is a reunion one day, i dont know how one carries on through the infinite sadness and recovery that comes from losing a spouse or child.
good blog entry. good moment of reflection. :)
Thanks. I you make it through the funeral with a little pain and sadness as possible. It's amazing how close we become to those around us. I have coworkers that I couldn't imagine having anything happen to them. I'm sorry for your loss.
Delete